ummm.

I just saw this picture on facebook with the caption "The Giant Napkin" posted above it.


i'm really confused.


THE GIANT NAPKIN


hahahahahahaha.

reoccuring dreams. i'm not sure what this means.

So.

I have had both the dreams you are about to read before, the first one is the same scenario and situation, with a few possible differences in minute details. The second dream however, is the same setting, but a different situation...and the weirdest part of the whole thing being that I realized this IN THE DREAM, and relayed the information to my counterparts in the dream, and their reaction was strange.

alright. First Dream...entitled:

Child Beater Makes a Ninja's Escape

I'm galavanting (I do this alot...i'm aware, thank you) around the property of this large modern mansion home...i'm in the woods with some friends, and these two punk bitch children show up...

think woods with random pastures, but the pastures are hard dirt and dead trees...

so i'm in one of these "pastures" next to a large dead weeping willow tree...and one of the punk bitches attempts to attack me in some manner (not quite sure I remember) with a branch. Apparently, I felt that his attack was life-threating, because I took a much heavier, thicker branch and proceeded to BEAT THE SHIT of the child...this kid was MAYBE 9 or 10, but talked a big game, so I felt it necessary to reciprocate in such a manner.

So yes, I bludgeon the child, and then leave and go back to the house.

somehow (magically, I think), the kid has already been brought back to the house, and apparently hanging onto life by a thread. The people in the house are not very happy with me. I begin to feel like my life is in danger (for some reason) and i'm not sure if this were the case, but I begin to evade them at all costs, in one of those jumping climbing ninja shit manners like those "extreme walking" people. do you know what i'm talking about?

if not, watch the madonna video for "jump"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KwDjijmCm7U

Anyway, I end up doing ninja jumps and slithers out the front door, and through the front yard, which is very labrinyth-esque (and it's a giant hill with the house at the bottom) all the way to the crest of the hill, and turn and look at the house.

then I wake up.

simple, to the point, only downside is I felt a little bad for beating the shit out of a nine year old.

just a little.

alright...moving on.

I Feel Like Showing You My Penis Right Now

like that title? I do.

So i'm washing dishes at a restaurant, yet i'm not sure what kind of restaurant...I remember that the way I washed dishes was a fire hose undearneath the dish trays, and I put a box on top of it. Extremely ridiculous, I know.

So I leave with a fellow employee (male) and we get in his car, not unlike a '66 corvette...sans doors.

i'm sitting in the back (so apparently, it's a four door version of corvette, which does not exist) playing guitar, and I write a song (which I remember and play when I awake) and he begins driving erractically, and i'm almost thrown out of the car, because there are no doors (remember?). So I say "Dude, i'm falling out" and he responds "God when you say that I feel like showing you my penis"

what?

no, really.

then he says "actually, I feel like showing you my penis right now"

whoa. pump the brakes.

So, I feel that this dream stems from the homoertic mannerisms of my johnny's pizza coworkers, because they all have this touchy-feely nipple-rubbing ass-grabbing mentality, that has apparently now infiltrated my dream world.

So, in true johnny's fashion, he never actually shows me his penis.

moving along, we all of a sudden are driving through east cobb, down post oak tritt road.

again, in sudden fashion, my coworker friend turns into Kevin Barkley, a former childhood friend. I have not spoken with Kevin Barkley since grade school, even though we attended the same schools and had many classes together through high school.

Anyhow, we pull into this large apartment complex on top of a hill overlooking a city...the view was beautiful. As we are pulling up to his building, I say "Hey...i've been here before...one of my friends lives here..."

"oh, cool"

some response...little did I know, he was the person I knew that lived there...

so, we go into his apartment, and it's strikingly similar, yet I think nothing of it...I meet his roommate, some girl who I don't recognize...I ask to use the computer. The computer is frustrating, every button you THINK would do something it SHOULD does something else...for instance, where the start button is on a windows interface, actually opens some dating service program.

what?

Another button open some video program, and a video of Kevin starts playing, and he says "whats up niggasssssssss" and does the classic "A-town down". I laugh for a second, but my ultimate reaction is a frown.

I get frustrated with the computer, and walk away from it bitching...and then it hits me.

I've been here before.

This apartment is a long room, like 100 feet? It has divider walls that stick out a couple of feet from the sides of the room, and those are every 10-20 feet or so...it varies. HOWEVER, the distance the divider walls come out differ from front to back, as well as the floor elevations...there are steps up, and then steps back down, and then steps up, and steps WAY down, ending at the back WAY up high. it's crazy...and from the outside, the apartment looked about 30 feet long...so in my head, I began thinking that the apartment had some sort of magical shrinking action that happened once you entered the room...this is hard to explain.

I start recognizing furniture, like a circular chair, that has an X of arms in the center, so it's four chairs... make sense? It had mahogany wood legs and arms, with bright orange cushions...anyhow, enough about the furniture.

I turn to Kevin, his roommate, and her friend, and say "I've been here before"

They look at each other, puzzled.

Then I remember...we did alot of coke here, partied all night, blah blah blah (yet luckily I never got on that computer the previous time, because I would have been PISSED)...so I say "We stayed up all night and got WASTED" and then proceed to go into detail about the evening, and as I do, they're eyebrows go up, and they begin to smile from ear to ear.

then I wake up.

It was really weird to remember a previous dream DURING a dream. I've never had that happen before.

SERIOUS tuna salad.

ahem.

2 cans of tuna, strained. (preferably in spring water...vegetable oil is gross)...give strained tuna water and a few bits of tuna to a cat...it's good for their coat.
1/4 green pepper, diced.
1 small white onion, diced.
2-3 kosher dill pickles, thinly sliced.
8-10 sweet petite pickles, thinly sliced.
1/4 head of iceberg/romaine lettuce, sliced into 3/4 inch strips.
1 rounded teaspoon season all seasoned salt
1 rounded teaspoon iodized salt
1 rounded tablespoon black pepper
3 tablespoons of MOTHERFUCKIN' miracle whip.

combine and throughly mix all ingredients in large mixing bowl.

when mixed, take a fork, grab a bite, and eat it.

then say "man, that's serious."

wasn't that good?

I want new clothes.

so...I had a dream.

I was at Costco of all places, and they had a "hipster" clothing section if you will...as in solid colored v-neck shirts in about ten colors, corduroys that had some bit of a flare/bootcut to them, and long sleeve thermals with prison stripes on them, in about ten colors as well. Needless to say, I wanted all of them.

So, I'm shopping, going through sizes and climbing on shit to get stuff from the top (if you've been to Costco, you know what i'm talking about) and Drew Haddon walks up to me...we make small talk, and then this gentleman named "John-Henry", whom is actually friends with my friend Alex Allen, and not Drew, walks up with three friends, all wearing ski masks. I ask Drew what's going on, and he informs me that John-Henry's name right now is "Adam Brockman" and that he might go to jail for what he is about to do. whatever. I continue shopping.

I few moments later, I hear someone saying "no, don't use that ladder, that's for employees only, use this four foot ladder" followed by a chuckle...then, I look up and to my left where the delicatessen section is (it's about a hundred feet from me), but I can see it clearly, looks like some sort of bomb/explosion went off, the metal tables are all askew and upside down, and shit is burning. The best part of it, however, was that people were running over TOWARDS it, because I suppose the frozen meats and what have you were all COOKED now, thanks to the bomb/explosion. I laugh, say "go get it fatties" to myself, and continue shopping.

I realize that these pants may be sized weird, and a 32 may not fit me, so I do the "around-the-neck" test with the waist of the pants, and they seem that they may be a little tight. So i'm digging in the pile of cords for a 33, when I notice my co-worker Loren, nicknamed "Skud" (I still have yet to understand that) is digging in the other end of the pile of cords...I say "ohhhh my, we are going to be wearing the same pants....ohhhhhhhh my body", and then I notice the ski-masked friends and John-Henry/Adam Brockman being walked out the exit (to my left, also a hundred feet or more), and people are running around in a pandemonium-esque manner, although for some reason, it doesn't really phase me, other than making me chuckle a bit...I continue shopping, and move my purchases to the checkout(literally EVERYTHING from the aforementioned "hipster" section) and upon such, my total is $987.00.

SHIT.

I notice on the cashier's screen, that there is a little picture of every garment with the price below it, and i'm preparing to start pointing at things to remove from my purchase, when I look to my left out the exit, and notice that the handcuffed gentleman and Mr. Brockman are being put onto a giant beautiful tour bus. crazy.

and then I wake up.

I suppose it wouldn't be hipster clothing unless it cost SO MUCH MONEY for colored cotton.

retarded.