WHat? I'm not in Georgia anymore. duh.
Gerry Rafferty comes in the mail tomorrow... AND SHEENA. Sheena isn't in the mail though.
maybe i'll have a dream later.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Monday, April 28, 2008
hello.
I've had many exciting dreams. I've encountered many exciting occurances. I have lots of great stories, but unfortunately i'm too busy to tell them to you.
Buy my book.
Love,
Magical Devin.
Buy my book.
Love,
Magical Devin.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
grammys. stupid, stupid grammys.
Why stupid, you say?
because it's all a bunch of puffy hollywood bitches that aren't really good for anything, and most of whom don't even make their own music.
ultimately, i'm just jealous. I should be there...THEN it would be a good show.
because it's all a bunch of puffy hollywood bitches that aren't really good for anything, and most of whom don't even make their own music.
ultimately, i'm just jealous. I should be there...THEN it would be a good show.
Monday, February 4, 2008
Now this is what i'm talking about, people.
so, my friends and I (Claudia, Sheena) have begun a "mix cd exchange," if you will. The Idea is that every month, one person makes a mix cd for said month (with any given theme pertaining to that month's activities, holiday, etc.) and sends it to the other two parties. I think it's a splendid idea... and fortunately for this one, it wasn't the splendid idea that "didn't happen."
so anyhow, that was just an introduction for what's to come.
January Mix: Music that's not from the USA
this cd is wonderfux... now i've only listened to it three times, but there are some definite stand out tracks for me:
Norway "Where Happiness Lives"
I love the alt-country feel. I am listening to alot of alt-country lately. I think it has something to do with being in the middle of where? anyhow, good song.
Trio Mocotö "Onde Anda O Meu Amor(com Zuco)"
I really wish I was driving along the sea with the windows down listening to this. In attempt to recreate that feeling, I nearly froze whilst driving home. boo winter. I want to sit at a bar and laugh and watch people dance to this song. That sounds like a really exhilirating experience
The Shortwave Set "Is It Any Wonder"
I don't know what this reminds me of. The girl's voice catches me offguard still, but I like it. there's some good music coming from the UK as of late. that makes my boobies jiggle.
Thomas Dybdahl "Cecilia"
This guy is from Norway too, and has four freakin' albums. I've heard very little (I ventured over to his myspace after hearing this song) but what I hear, I like alot. smoky vocals, sexy grooves? it reminds me slightly of ed harcourt, whom I love immorally. Thomas Dybdahl. listen to it.
Gogol Bordello "Alcohol"
Good ole' Gogol. I heard about this wonderful outfit through Jake, whom I work with. His mustache grows better than mine, and I think it stems from listening to this band. Good stuff.
The rest of the cd will come to me upon more listens.
too bad for you bitches, because you can't have one.
ha ha HA.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
dear dlisted. I love you.
"Punxsutawney Phil saw his own shadow in Pennsylvania this morning which means there's 6 more extra weeks of Winter. Each February 2nd thousands of people travel to Punxsutawney, PA to watch that dumb bitch Phil come out of his hole. Bitch was probably drunk! He doesn't know what he saw. The tradition is if Phil sees his shadow, there's 6 weeks more of Winter and if he doesn't, Spring comes early.
However, Phil's arch rival, Gen. Beauregard Lee in Georgia, did not see his shadow this morning. I'm going with Beauregard Lee. He has the dumbest name, but he's probably the smarter groundhog.
Screw that Phil! He's a wife beater and a drunk. I can tell. Look at him. He can barely keep his eyes open. He didn't see shit!
Happy Groundhog day!"
However, Phil's arch rival, Gen. Beauregard Lee in Georgia, did not see his shadow this morning. I'm going with Beauregard Lee. He has the dumbest name, but he's probably the smarter groundhog.
Screw that Phil! He's a wife beater and a drunk. I can tell. Look at him. He can barely keep his eyes open. He didn't see shit!
Happy Groundhog day!"
...
personally, I don't believe in a groundhog's ability to decipher the length of winter.
stupid groundhog bitch.
a beauitful day at my favorite job.
good ole' BEST WESTERN.
It's a choice between "Father of the Bride I" AND "II"
ORRRR
"Charlies Angels II: Full Throttle" and "Fantastic Four (Extended Director's Cut)"
Ten bucks if you can guess which option i'm choosing.
It's a choice between "Father of the Bride I" AND "II"
ORRRR
"Charlies Angels II: Full Throttle" and "Fantastic Four (Extended Director's Cut)"
Ten bucks if you can guess which option i'm choosing.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
the end of the world, according to Devin
My dream last night was quite magnificent...so magnificent that I may not remember all of it, but I remember that it was AWESOME.
So, i'm in some rural neighborhood, and it all beings with a loud bang (not unlike the beginning of terror in cloverfield). The people I am with (sheena, my brother, his wife salena, my mother, and some other people? that escapes me) and I go outside, and it's snowing volcanic ash...from there, news spreads of a civil war occurring within the neighborhood, and it just so happens that the battlefield is across the valley from where I am, and you can see it quite clearly...very old school battle style....straight lines of soldiers (all wearing 1865 civil war uniforms, which made me laugh) and muskets, all contained within a picket fence area in front of a home, so in other words, very SMALL civil war.
hahahahahaha.
People see the battle, and retreat to their homes...I think my home was playing either mouse trap, boggle, or monopoly...when finally the shooting ended, I sneak outside, down into the valley, and up the other side to the battlefield, when I see the "last man standing", a general of some sort (I knew who he was in my dream) coming towards me, looking very angry... I turn to hide, and notice my brother and his wife behind me. I sush them, and push them into the brush that covered the entire hill up to the battlefield (imagine all brush-like small dead trees, with a jagged path leading between it all). we peer through the brush and falling volcanic ash to watch "the general" pass us and continue down the path to the bottom of the hill...I sneak out and follow his steps...but not too closely...in a James Bond manner. As we reach the bottom of the hill, the general turns as if he hears something, and again I sink into the brush, but in a place where he is still visible, and I see him remove a MASK (omg) and lift this hidden panel that was covered with grass, take out a bookbag, put on a safari hat, and disappear into the night.
I'm baffled, but only for a moment.
So we continue our evening of hasbro games, and go to sleep.
Awaking the next morning, things are worse than they seem...we have taken to the streets, along with thousands and thousands of other people, who occasionally loot or steal a car. I look into the morning sky, and see this fuming cloud swirling around something that looks like a tampon (I know). I laugh for a second, and then realize that the sun is GONE, and this fuming tampon or swirling smoke is emitting the light we formerly knew from the sun. I ask a fellow looter "wtf" and he explains that this was the government's answer to not having a sun, but it's not going to last long.
I'm shocked, confused, and slightly hurt.
I collect myself, and then ask "well what happened to the sun" He turns and points at the sky behind me. In fear, I turn very slowly.
wow.
The sun has become a GIANT version of earth, with beautiful green land masses and swirling clouds. it's beautiful, but then the reailty sinks in that the sun no longer exists, yet for some reason I don't panic.
I go to the mall.
???
so, we're are walking through a mall that I've never been to (oh, by the way, the continued journey includes sheena, my brother, and salena), and we're trying to decide what stores we want to loot. Much to my chagrin, this mall is full of Gaps and Banana Republics and crap of that manner, but at the end of the mall, as if the "light at the end of the tunnel" lies Bloomingdales, to which I yell "a glowing beacon of hope!"
Sheena says "omg I totally want to loot Bloomingdales"
as we make our way towards the store, I see that it's a GIGANTIC Bloomingdales, a I can make out railings of the second and third levels from the ground...and by the looks of it, the ceiling is about 100 feet above the flooring of the third level.
As we get closer, we see all the security guards with guns and batons walking through the racks of clothing, and chicken out.
The next recollection of this dream is myself and my continued group of flunkies (sheena, my brother, and salena) around a pool, and i'm wearing new clothes from bloomingdales. we're throwing some strange space-aged ball that rotates when you touch it, so it's very hard to hold onto, and we're throwing it back and forth across the pool. The only catch is, if you drop it, it blows up like a nuclear bomb. So my brother and I are throwing it back and forth with no problems, until he decides to be a jerk and throw it towards to water, so I jump across the pool and catch it just before it hits the water...thus ruining my new bloomingdales clothes...They all have a chuckle at my expense, whilst I cry like a babe.
Last instance of the dream that I can recall, we are playing video games, and i'm trying to select a character, and this videogame controller is like a book that opens, with 2-inch colored square buttons, evenly dispersed upon each side of the "book". You've got to select your character by pressing ALL of the buttons on either side of the book that match your character's color. I did not know this, and press a button that earns me the character of "ginger ale"
I swear aloud, yelling about how I do not want to be ginger ale, and salena laughs at me (laughing mixed with snorting).
good morning. it's 9:30
So, i'm in some rural neighborhood, and it all beings with a loud bang (not unlike the beginning of terror in cloverfield). The people I am with (sheena, my brother, his wife salena, my mother, and some other people? that escapes me) and I go outside, and it's snowing volcanic ash...from there, news spreads of a civil war occurring within the neighborhood, and it just so happens that the battlefield is across the valley from where I am, and you can see it quite clearly...very old school battle style....straight lines of soldiers (all wearing 1865 civil war uniforms, which made me laugh) and muskets, all contained within a picket fence area in front of a home, so in other words, very SMALL civil war.
hahahahahaha.
People see the battle, and retreat to their homes...I think my home was playing either mouse trap, boggle, or monopoly...when finally the shooting ended, I sneak outside, down into the valley, and up the other side to the battlefield, when I see the "last man standing", a general of some sort (I knew who he was in my dream) coming towards me, looking very angry... I turn to hide, and notice my brother and his wife behind me. I sush them, and push them into the brush that covered the entire hill up to the battlefield (imagine all brush-like small dead trees, with a jagged path leading between it all). we peer through the brush and falling volcanic ash to watch "the general" pass us and continue down the path to the bottom of the hill...I sneak out and follow his steps...but not too closely...in a James Bond manner. As we reach the bottom of the hill, the general turns as if he hears something, and again I sink into the brush, but in a place where he is still visible, and I see him remove a MASK (omg) and lift this hidden panel that was covered with grass, take out a bookbag, put on a safari hat, and disappear into the night.
I'm baffled, but only for a moment.
So we continue our evening of hasbro games, and go to sleep.
Awaking the next morning, things are worse than they seem...we have taken to the streets, along with thousands and thousands of other people, who occasionally loot or steal a car. I look into the morning sky, and see this fuming cloud swirling around something that looks like a tampon (I know). I laugh for a second, and then realize that the sun is GONE, and this fuming tampon or swirling smoke is emitting the light we formerly knew from the sun. I ask a fellow looter "wtf" and he explains that this was the government's answer to not having a sun, but it's not going to last long.
I'm shocked, confused, and slightly hurt.
I collect myself, and then ask "well what happened to the sun" He turns and points at the sky behind me. In fear, I turn very slowly.
wow.
The sun has become a GIANT version of earth, with beautiful green land masses and swirling clouds. it's beautiful, but then the reailty sinks in that the sun no longer exists, yet for some reason I don't panic.
I go to the mall.
???
so, we're are walking through a mall that I've never been to (oh, by the way, the continued journey includes sheena, my brother, and salena), and we're trying to decide what stores we want to loot. Much to my chagrin, this mall is full of Gaps and Banana Republics and crap of that manner, but at the end of the mall, as if the "light at the end of the tunnel" lies Bloomingdales, to which I yell "a glowing beacon of hope!"
Sheena says "omg I totally want to loot Bloomingdales"
as we make our way towards the store, I see that it's a GIGANTIC Bloomingdales, a I can make out railings of the second and third levels from the ground...and by the looks of it, the ceiling is about 100 feet above the flooring of the third level.
As we get closer, we see all the security guards with guns and batons walking through the racks of clothing, and chicken out.
The next recollection of this dream is myself and my continued group of flunkies (sheena, my brother, and salena) around a pool, and i'm wearing new clothes from bloomingdales. we're throwing some strange space-aged ball that rotates when you touch it, so it's very hard to hold onto, and we're throwing it back and forth across the pool. The only catch is, if you drop it, it blows up like a nuclear bomb. So my brother and I are throwing it back and forth with no problems, until he decides to be a jerk and throw it towards to water, so I jump across the pool and catch it just before it hits the water...thus ruining my new bloomingdales clothes...They all have a chuckle at my expense, whilst I cry like a babe.
Last instance of the dream that I can recall, we are playing video games, and i'm trying to select a character, and this videogame controller is like a book that opens, with 2-inch colored square buttons, evenly dispersed upon each side of the "book". You've got to select your character by pressing ALL of the buttons on either side of the book that match your character's color. I did not know this, and press a button that earns me the character of "ginger ale"
I swear aloud, yelling about how I do not want to be ginger ale, and salena laughs at me (laughing mixed with snorting).
good morning. it's 9:30
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Saturday, January 19, 2008
cloverfield. oooh! spoilerz!
so, if you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it, for starters.
In my newfound infatuation for the movie Cloverfield, I was reading critics' reviews of the film last night, and was very bothered, even to the point I couldn't get the sleep I was in need of seeing that I was working in six hours.
Alot of the negative feedback about the movie was in reference to the monster, and lack of explanation to it's origin, or even what the hell it was. It's funny to me that the American public refuses to appreciate or enjoy a movie unless EVERYTHING is handed to them on a platter, i.e. what they are dealing with, how it can be killed, and so on. Cloverfield does none of this, and I feel it was necessary for the manner in which the film was potrayed.
potrayed, meaning that it's an entire account of a monster attack on manhattan, all from the perspective of a home video camera. Think about it, if this actually happened, no one would know what the monster was, or where it came from, in the matter of the six or so hours of one night that the film encompasses. The fact that you don't know what it is makes it even scarier, and it severely hurts me to hear people complain about this.
...and people have been comparing it to The Blair Witch Project which I have not seen, however, the only similarity between the two is the home video camera perspective. I've never seen this Blair Witch crap, but i'm pretty sure (from what i've heard) that they never show you what's chasing the people in the film. This movie, however, shows you what is chasing/attacking them, it just doesn't explain what it is...because, if i'm not mistaken, that's the feeling they want to evoke in the viewer...the feeling of sheer terror...knowing that something is coming to get you, knowing what it looks like (CRAZY), but not knowing where it came from, what it wants, or what to do, without having these GLORIOUS (scoff) panning shots of the monster, or the destruction, or a god's eye view (if you will) of just what you're dealing with. Just real, first hand experience of what it would be like.
AND, footage from a home video camera of a helicopter crash from inside the helicopter is freaking awesome.
so to all you bitchy critics that must find fault in EVERYTHING (and that will never read this blog) verily I say unto you:
SHUT.
UP.
I loved it. I'm going to see again, and maybe after that, I WILL SEE IT AGAIN.
and who knows.
MAYBE I'LL SEE IT AGAIN AFTER THAT BITCH.
this film gets a sexy A+++ from magical devinland.
In my newfound infatuation for the movie Cloverfield, I was reading critics' reviews of the film last night, and was very bothered, even to the point I couldn't get the sleep I was in need of seeing that I was working in six hours.
Alot of the negative feedback about the movie was in reference to the monster, and lack of explanation to it's origin, or even what the hell it was. It's funny to me that the American public refuses to appreciate or enjoy a movie unless EVERYTHING is handed to them on a platter, i.e. what they are dealing with, how it can be killed, and so on. Cloverfield does none of this, and I feel it was necessary for the manner in which the film was potrayed.
potrayed, meaning that it's an entire account of a monster attack on manhattan, all from the perspective of a home video camera. Think about it, if this actually happened, no one would know what the monster was, or where it came from, in the matter of the six or so hours of one night that the film encompasses. The fact that you don't know what it is makes it even scarier, and it severely hurts me to hear people complain about this.
...and people have been comparing it to The Blair Witch Project which I have not seen, however, the only similarity between the two is the home video camera perspective. I've never seen this Blair Witch crap, but i'm pretty sure (from what i've heard) that they never show you what's chasing the people in the film. This movie, however, shows you what is chasing/attacking them, it just doesn't explain what it is...because, if i'm not mistaken, that's the feeling they want to evoke in the viewer...the feeling of sheer terror...knowing that something is coming to get you, knowing what it looks like (CRAZY), but not knowing where it came from, what it wants, or what to do, without having these GLORIOUS (scoff) panning shots of the monster, or the destruction, or a god's eye view (if you will) of just what you're dealing with. Just real, first hand experience of what it would be like.
AND, footage from a home video camera of a helicopter crash from inside the helicopter is freaking awesome.
so to all you bitchy critics that must find fault in EVERYTHING (and that will never read this blog) verily I say unto you:
SHUT.
UP.
I loved it. I'm going to see again, and maybe after that, I WILL SEE IT AGAIN.
and who knows.
MAYBE I'LL SEE IT AGAIN AFTER THAT BITCH.
this film gets a sexy A+++ from magical devinland.
the magical dreamland called "losing it"
this is an old dream, and by old, I mean two weeks or so.
so what? i've been busy.
So i'm driving through the industrial glory that is the city of Cartersville, Ga (is this even true? who knows), and about to turn into the drive-thru of a mcdonalds, when all of a sudden, the parking lot flips completely over to resemble a glorious landscape of topiaries and flower arrangements.
I know.
slightly bothered, yet intrigued, I continue on my journey through Cartersville. Business after business flips upside down to resemble glorious landscape after glorious landscape...which begins to annoy me, because all I really want is a bacon, egg and cheese biscuit.
I'm riding with someone (can't remember at this point) who informs me that in order to bring more tourist attention to Cartersville, they have turned all business properties into landscaped sections that randomly appear, and it's going to be called "losing it"
lame.
eventually, I end up in some house, and get angry at a topiary plant in the house, and flip it over and stick the plant out of the bottom (now the top) of the flower pot and yell "look! this plant is LOSING IT!"
I think i've lost it.
so what? i've been busy.
So i'm driving through the industrial glory that is the city of Cartersville, Ga (is this even true? who knows), and about to turn into the drive-thru of a mcdonalds, when all of a sudden, the parking lot flips completely over to resemble a glorious landscape of topiaries and flower arrangements.
I know.
slightly bothered, yet intrigued, I continue on my journey through Cartersville. Business after business flips upside down to resemble glorious landscape after glorious landscape...which begins to annoy me, because all I really want is a bacon, egg and cheese biscuit.
I'm riding with someone (can't remember at this point) who informs me that in order to bring more tourist attention to Cartersville, they have turned all business properties into landscaped sections that randomly appear, and it's going to be called "losing it"
lame.
eventually, I end up in some house, and get angry at a topiary plant in the house, and flip it over and stick the plant out of the bottom (now the top) of the flower pot and yell "look! this plant is LOSING IT!"
I think i've lost it.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
ummm.
I just saw this picture on facebook with the caption "The Giant Napkin" posted above it.
i'm really confused.
THE GIANT NAPKIN
hahahahahahaha.
i'm really confused.
THE GIANT NAPKIN
hahahahahahaha.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
reoccuring dreams. i'm not sure what this means.
So.
I have had both the dreams you are about to read before, the first one is the same scenario and situation, with a few possible differences in minute details. The second dream however, is the same setting, but a different situation...and the weirdest part of the whole thing being that I realized this IN THE DREAM, and relayed the information to my counterparts in the dream, and their reaction was strange.
alright. First Dream...entitled:
Child Beater Makes a Ninja's Escape
I'm galavanting (I do this alot...i'm aware, thank you) around the property of this large modern mansion home...i'm in the woods with some friends, and these two punk bitch children show up...
think woods with random pastures, but the pastures are hard dirt and dead trees...
so i'm in one of these "pastures" next to a large dead weeping willow tree...and one of the punk bitches attempts to attack me in some manner (not quite sure I remember) with a branch. Apparently, I felt that his attack was life-threating, because I took a much heavier, thicker branch and proceeded to BEAT THE SHIT of the child...this kid was MAYBE 9 or 10, but talked a big game, so I felt it necessary to reciprocate in such a manner.
So yes, I bludgeon the child, and then leave and go back to the house.
somehow (magically, I think), the kid has already been brought back to the house, and apparently hanging onto life by a thread. The people in the house are not very happy with me. I begin to feel like my life is in danger (for some reason) and i'm not sure if this were the case, but I begin to evade them at all costs, in one of those jumping climbing ninja shit manners like those "extreme walking" people. do you know what i'm talking about?
if not, watch the madonna video for "jump"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KwDjijmCm7U
Anyway, I end up doing ninja jumps and slithers out the front door, and through the front yard, which is very labrinyth-esque (and it's a giant hill with the house at the bottom) all the way to the crest of the hill, and turn and look at the house.
then I wake up.
simple, to the point, only downside is I felt a little bad for beating the shit out of a nine year old.
just a little.
alright...moving on.
I Feel Like Showing You My Penis Right Now
like that title? I do.
So i'm washing dishes at a restaurant, yet i'm not sure what kind of restaurant...I remember that the way I washed dishes was a fire hose undearneath the dish trays, and I put a box on top of it. Extremely ridiculous, I know.
So I leave with a fellow employee (male) and we get in his car, not unlike a '66 corvette...sans doors.
i'm sitting in the back (so apparently, it's a four door version of corvette, which does not exist) playing guitar, and I write a song (which I remember and play when I awake) and he begins driving erractically, and i'm almost thrown out of the car, because there are no doors (remember?). So I say "Dude, i'm falling out" and he responds "God when you say that I feel like showing you my penis"
what?
no, really.
then he says "actually, I feel like showing you my penis right now"
whoa. pump the brakes.
So, I feel that this dream stems from the homoertic mannerisms of my johnny's pizza coworkers, because they all have this touchy-feely nipple-rubbing ass-grabbing mentality, that has apparently now infiltrated my dream world.
So, in true johnny's fashion, he never actually shows me his penis.
moving along, we all of a sudden are driving through east cobb, down post oak tritt road.
again, in sudden fashion, my coworker friend turns into Kevin Barkley, a former childhood friend. I have not spoken with Kevin Barkley since grade school, even though we attended the same schools and had many classes together through high school.
Anyhow, we pull into this large apartment complex on top of a hill overlooking a city...the view was beautiful. As we are pulling up to his building, I say "Hey...i've been here before...one of my friends lives here..."
"oh, cool"
some response...little did I know, he was the person I knew that lived there...
so, we go into his apartment, and it's strikingly similar, yet I think nothing of it...I meet his roommate, some girl who I don't recognize...I ask to use the computer. The computer is frustrating, every button you THINK would do something it SHOULD does something else...for instance, where the start button is on a windows interface, actually opens some dating service program.
what?
Another button open some video program, and a video of Kevin starts playing, and he says "whats up niggasssssssss" and does the classic "A-town down". I laugh for a second, but my ultimate reaction is a frown.
I get frustrated with the computer, and walk away from it bitching...and then it hits me.
I've been here before.
This apartment is a long room, like 100 feet? It has divider walls that stick out a couple of feet from the sides of the room, and those are every 10-20 feet or so...it varies. HOWEVER, the distance the divider walls come out differ from front to back, as well as the floor elevations...there are steps up, and then steps back down, and then steps up, and steps WAY down, ending at the back WAY up high. it's crazy...and from the outside, the apartment looked about 30 feet long...so in my head, I began thinking that the apartment had some sort of magical shrinking action that happened once you entered the room...this is hard to explain.
I start recognizing furniture, like a circular chair, that has an X of arms in the center, so it's four chairs... make sense? It had mahogany wood legs and arms, with bright orange cushions...anyhow, enough about the furniture.
I turn to Kevin, his roommate, and her friend, and say "I've been here before"
They look at each other, puzzled.
Then I remember...we did alot of coke here, partied all night, blah blah blah (yet luckily I never got on that computer the previous time, because I would have been PISSED)...so I say "We stayed up all night and got WASTED" and then proceed to go into detail about the evening, and as I do, they're eyebrows go up, and they begin to smile from ear to ear.
then I wake up.
It was really weird to remember a previous dream DURING a dream. I've never had that happen before.
I have had both the dreams you are about to read before, the first one is the same scenario and situation, with a few possible differences in minute details. The second dream however, is the same setting, but a different situation...and the weirdest part of the whole thing being that I realized this IN THE DREAM, and relayed the information to my counterparts in the dream, and their reaction was strange.
alright. First Dream...entitled:
Child Beater Makes a Ninja's Escape
I'm galavanting (I do this alot...i'm aware, thank you) around the property of this large modern mansion home...i'm in the woods with some friends, and these two punk bitch children show up...
think woods with random pastures, but the pastures are hard dirt and dead trees...
so i'm in one of these "pastures" next to a large dead weeping willow tree...and one of the punk bitches attempts to attack me in some manner (not quite sure I remember) with a branch. Apparently, I felt that his attack was life-threating, because I took a much heavier, thicker branch and proceeded to BEAT THE SHIT of the child...this kid was MAYBE 9 or 10, but talked a big game, so I felt it necessary to reciprocate in such a manner.
So yes, I bludgeon the child, and then leave and go back to the house.
somehow (magically, I think), the kid has already been brought back to the house, and apparently hanging onto life by a thread. The people in the house are not very happy with me. I begin to feel like my life is in danger (for some reason) and i'm not sure if this were the case, but I begin to evade them at all costs, in one of those jumping climbing ninja shit manners like those "extreme walking" people. do you know what i'm talking about?
if not, watch the madonna video for "jump"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KwDjijmCm7U
Anyway, I end up doing ninja jumps and slithers out the front door, and through the front yard, which is very labrinyth-esque (and it's a giant hill with the house at the bottom) all the way to the crest of the hill, and turn and look at the house.
then I wake up.
simple, to the point, only downside is I felt a little bad for beating the shit out of a nine year old.
just a little.
alright...moving on.
I Feel Like Showing You My Penis Right Now
like that title? I do.
So i'm washing dishes at a restaurant, yet i'm not sure what kind of restaurant...I remember that the way I washed dishes was a fire hose undearneath the dish trays, and I put a box on top of it. Extremely ridiculous, I know.
So I leave with a fellow employee (male) and we get in his car, not unlike a '66 corvette...sans doors.
i'm sitting in the back (so apparently, it's a four door version of corvette, which does not exist) playing guitar, and I write a song (which I remember and play when I awake) and he begins driving erractically, and i'm almost thrown out of the car, because there are no doors (remember?). So I say "Dude, i'm falling out" and he responds "God when you say that I feel like showing you my penis"
what?
no, really.
then he says "actually, I feel like showing you my penis right now"
whoa. pump the brakes.
So, I feel that this dream stems from the homoertic mannerisms of my johnny's pizza coworkers, because they all have this touchy-feely nipple-rubbing ass-grabbing mentality, that has apparently now infiltrated my dream world.
So, in true johnny's fashion, he never actually shows me his penis.
moving along, we all of a sudden are driving through east cobb, down post oak tritt road.
again, in sudden fashion, my coworker friend turns into Kevin Barkley, a former childhood friend. I have not spoken with Kevin Barkley since grade school, even though we attended the same schools and had many classes together through high school.
Anyhow, we pull into this large apartment complex on top of a hill overlooking a city...the view was beautiful. As we are pulling up to his building, I say "Hey...i've been here before...one of my friends lives here..."
"oh, cool"
some response...little did I know, he was the person I knew that lived there...
so, we go into his apartment, and it's strikingly similar, yet I think nothing of it...I meet his roommate, some girl who I don't recognize...I ask to use the computer. The computer is frustrating, every button you THINK would do something it SHOULD does something else...for instance, where the start button is on a windows interface, actually opens some dating service program.
what?
Another button open some video program, and a video of Kevin starts playing, and he says "whats up niggasssssssss" and does the classic "A-town down". I laugh for a second, but my ultimate reaction is a frown.
I get frustrated with the computer, and walk away from it bitching...and then it hits me.
I've been here before.
This apartment is a long room, like 100 feet? It has divider walls that stick out a couple of feet from the sides of the room, and those are every 10-20 feet or so...it varies. HOWEVER, the distance the divider walls come out differ from front to back, as well as the floor elevations...there are steps up, and then steps back down, and then steps up, and steps WAY down, ending at the back WAY up high. it's crazy...and from the outside, the apartment looked about 30 feet long...so in my head, I began thinking that the apartment had some sort of magical shrinking action that happened once you entered the room...this is hard to explain.
I start recognizing furniture, like a circular chair, that has an X of arms in the center, so it's four chairs... make sense? It had mahogany wood legs and arms, with bright orange cushions...anyhow, enough about the furniture.
I turn to Kevin, his roommate, and her friend, and say "I've been here before"
They look at each other, puzzled.
Then I remember...we did alot of coke here, partied all night, blah blah blah (yet luckily I never got on that computer the previous time, because I would have been PISSED)...so I say "We stayed up all night and got WASTED" and then proceed to go into detail about the evening, and as I do, they're eyebrows go up, and they begin to smile from ear to ear.
then I wake up.
It was really weird to remember a previous dream DURING a dream. I've never had that happen before.
Friday, December 21, 2007
SERIOUS tuna salad.
ahem.
2 cans of tuna, strained. (preferably in spring water...vegetable oil is gross)...give strained tuna water and a few bits of tuna to a cat...it's good for their coat.
1/4 green pepper, diced.
1 small white onion, diced.
2-3 kosher dill pickles, thinly sliced.
8-10 sweet petite pickles, thinly sliced.
1/4 head of iceberg/romaine lettuce, sliced into 3/4 inch strips.
1 rounded teaspoon season all seasoned salt
1 rounded teaspoon iodized salt
1 rounded tablespoon black pepper
3 tablespoons of MOTHERFUCKIN' miracle whip.
combine and throughly mix all ingredients in large mixing bowl.
when mixed, take a fork, grab a bite, and eat it.
then say "man, that's serious."
wasn't that good?
2 cans of tuna, strained. (preferably in spring water...vegetable oil is gross)...give strained tuna water and a few bits of tuna to a cat...it's good for their coat.
1/4 green pepper, diced.
1 small white onion, diced.
2-3 kosher dill pickles, thinly sliced.
8-10 sweet petite pickles, thinly sliced.
1/4 head of iceberg/romaine lettuce, sliced into 3/4 inch strips.
1 rounded teaspoon season all seasoned salt
1 rounded teaspoon iodized salt
1 rounded tablespoon black pepper
3 tablespoons of MOTHERFUCKIN' miracle whip.
combine and throughly mix all ingredients in large mixing bowl.
when mixed, take a fork, grab a bite, and eat it.
then say "man, that's serious."
wasn't that good?
Monday, December 3, 2007
I want new clothes.
so...I had a dream.
I was at Costco of all places, and they had a "hipster" clothing section if you will...as in solid colored v-neck shirts in about ten colors, corduroys that had some bit of a flare/bootcut to them, and long sleeve thermals with prison stripes on them, in about ten colors as well. Needless to say, I wanted all of them.
So, I'm shopping, going through sizes and climbing on shit to get stuff from the top (if you've been to Costco, you know what i'm talking about) and Drew Haddon walks up to me...we make small talk, and then this gentleman named "John-Henry", whom is actually friends with my friend Alex Allen, and not Drew, walks up with three friends, all wearing ski masks. I ask Drew what's going on, and he informs me that John-Henry's name right now is "Adam Brockman" and that he might go to jail for what he is about to do. whatever. I continue shopping.
I few moments later, I hear someone saying "no, don't use that ladder, that's for employees only, use this four foot ladder" followed by a chuckle...then, I look up and to my left where the delicatessen section is (it's about a hundred feet from me), but I can see it clearly, looks like some sort of bomb/explosion went off, the metal tables are all askew and upside down, and shit is burning. The best part of it, however, was that people were running over TOWARDS it, because I suppose the frozen meats and what have you were all COOKED now, thanks to the bomb/explosion. I laugh, say "go get it fatties" to myself, and continue shopping.
I realize that these pants may be sized weird, and a 32 may not fit me, so I do the "around-the-neck" test with the waist of the pants, and they seem that they may be a little tight. So i'm digging in the pile of cords for a 33, when I notice my co-worker Loren, nicknamed "Skud" (I still have yet to understand that) is digging in the other end of the pile of cords...I say "ohhhh my, we are going to be wearing the same pants....ohhhhhhhh my body", and then I notice the ski-masked friends and John-Henry/Adam Brockman being walked out the exit (to my left, also a hundred feet or more), and people are running around in a pandemonium-esque manner, although for some reason, it doesn't really phase me, other than making me chuckle a bit...I continue shopping, and move my purchases to the checkout(literally EVERYTHING from the aforementioned "hipster" section) and upon such, my total is $987.00.
SHIT.
I notice on the cashier's screen, that there is a little picture of every garment with the price below it, and i'm preparing to start pointing at things to remove from my purchase, when I look to my left out the exit, and notice that the handcuffed gentleman and Mr. Brockman are being put onto a giant beautiful tour bus. crazy.
and then I wake up.
I suppose it wouldn't be hipster clothing unless it cost SO MUCH MONEY for colored cotton.
retarded.
I was at Costco of all places, and they had a "hipster" clothing section if you will...as in solid colored v-neck shirts in about ten colors, corduroys that had some bit of a flare/bootcut to them, and long sleeve thermals with prison stripes on them, in about ten colors as well. Needless to say, I wanted all of them.
So, I'm shopping, going through sizes and climbing on shit to get stuff from the top (if you've been to Costco, you know what i'm talking about) and Drew Haddon walks up to me...we make small talk, and then this gentleman named "John-Henry", whom is actually friends with my friend Alex Allen, and not Drew, walks up with three friends, all wearing ski masks. I ask Drew what's going on, and he informs me that John-Henry's name right now is "Adam Brockman" and that he might go to jail for what he is about to do. whatever. I continue shopping.
I few moments later, I hear someone saying "no, don't use that ladder, that's for employees only, use this four foot ladder" followed by a chuckle...then, I look up and to my left where the delicatessen section is (it's about a hundred feet from me), but I can see it clearly, looks like some sort of bomb/explosion went off, the metal tables are all askew and upside down, and shit is burning. The best part of it, however, was that people were running over TOWARDS it, because I suppose the frozen meats and what have you were all COOKED now, thanks to the bomb/explosion. I laugh, say "go get it fatties" to myself, and continue shopping.
I realize that these pants may be sized weird, and a 32 may not fit me, so I do the "around-the-neck" test with the waist of the pants, and they seem that they may be a little tight. So i'm digging in the pile of cords for a 33, when I notice my co-worker Loren, nicknamed "Skud" (I still have yet to understand that) is digging in the other end of the pile of cords...I say "ohhhh my, we are going to be wearing the same pants....ohhhhhhhh my body", and then I notice the ski-masked friends and John-Henry/Adam Brockman being walked out the exit (to my left, also a hundred feet or more), and people are running around in a pandemonium-esque manner, although for some reason, it doesn't really phase me, other than making me chuckle a bit...I continue shopping, and move my purchases to the checkout(literally EVERYTHING from the aforementioned "hipster" section) and upon such, my total is $987.00.
SHIT.
I notice on the cashier's screen, that there is a little picture of every garment with the price below it, and i'm preparing to start pointing at things to remove from my purchase, when I look to my left out the exit, and notice that the handcuffed gentleman and Mr. Brockman are being put onto a giant beautiful tour bus. crazy.
and then I wake up.
I suppose it wouldn't be hipster clothing unless it cost SO MUCH MONEY for colored cotton.
retarded.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
whut whut in the butt.
yeah.
so this hotel job really, really sucks.
I broke the room card maker today...and then I fixed it...but oops.
terminator 3 is on AMC tonight...and that, unfortunately, shall be the highlight of my day, aside from the joint i'm about to roll...whut whut.
I got more rhymes than the winans got family.
fuckin' right.
so this hotel job really, really sucks.
I broke the room card maker today...and then I fixed it...but oops.
terminator 3 is on AMC tonight...and that, unfortunately, shall be the highlight of my day, aside from the joint i'm about to roll...whut whut.
I got more rhymes than the winans got family.
fuckin' right.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
wonderful pizzaland sprinkled with drugs!
I love working at Johnny's Pizza.
I can do AND eat whatever I want.
whatEVER.
Tonight, I did this:
Got in to work, and immediately went outside to have a cigarette and small talk with my boss...we made fun of his stupid girlfriend who is "fat and stupid".
It's true. she sits around and plays playstation all day.
FAT and STUPID.
but not playstation, just her. playstation is awesome.
ANYWAY, f0llowing my post-clock-in party, I put "Live On Other Planets" by Supergrass in the big pimpin boombox (it's actually a small piece of shit that distorts more than booms)...I proceeded to wash a few dishes, and sing like a baby (not really...I just have a beautiful baby voice. oh, you know...) for roughly fifteen minutes, enjoying every minute of my life.
Then, I got tired of washing dishes, so I made a salad.
A DELICIOUS salad with tomatoes, mushrooms, cucumbers, onions, pepperoncini, salt, pepper, parmesan, mozzarella and ranch dressing.
I call it "suburban delight"...it's delicious (like I said).
THEN, I washed the occasional dish and sang (with my beautiful baby voice) for the rest of the night, whilst listening to Roxy Music's Self titled album, Elefant's "Sunlight Makes Me Paranoid" and finishing off with Iggy Pop's "Lust For Life". then I took out the empty beer kegs and garbage, to find the General Manager and Adam (The Dude) smokin a blunt by the garbage.
I love my job.
I finished off my shift with a two-beers-for-mopping-the-kitchen trade with the GM.
I clocked out at 9:20, with ten minutes to spare before my parents arrived...I chugged the rest of my second beer and smoked a cigarette, slumped over in an outside patio chair, enjoying being temporarily high/intoxicated.
Ah these moments of bliss that were so few and far between now come ever so frequently.
I love you Johnny's Pizza...touch my penis and let's be friends!
I can do AND eat whatever I want.
whatEVER.
Tonight, I did this:
Got in to work, and immediately went outside to have a cigarette and small talk with my boss...we made fun of his stupid girlfriend who is "fat and stupid".
It's true. she sits around and plays playstation all day.
FAT and STUPID.
but not playstation, just her. playstation is awesome.
ANYWAY, f0llowing my post-clock-in party, I put "Live On Other Planets" by Supergrass in the big pimpin boombox (it's actually a small piece of shit that distorts more than booms)...I proceeded to wash a few dishes, and sing like a baby (not really...I just have a beautiful baby voice. oh, you know...) for roughly fifteen minutes, enjoying every minute of my life.
Then, I got tired of washing dishes, so I made a salad.
A DELICIOUS salad with tomatoes, mushrooms, cucumbers, onions, pepperoncini, salt, pepper, parmesan, mozzarella and ranch dressing.
I call it "suburban delight"...it's delicious (like I said).
THEN, I washed the occasional dish and sang (with my beautiful baby voice) for the rest of the night, whilst listening to Roxy Music's Self titled album, Elefant's "Sunlight Makes Me Paranoid" and finishing off with Iggy Pop's "Lust For Life". then I took out the empty beer kegs and garbage, to find the General Manager and Adam (The Dude) smokin a blunt by the garbage.
I love my job.
I finished off my shift with a two-beers-for-mopping-the-kitchen trade with the GM.
I clocked out at 9:20, with ten minutes to spare before my parents arrived...I chugged the rest of my second beer and smoked a cigarette, slumped over in an outside patio chair, enjoying being temporarily high/intoxicated.
Ah these moments of bliss that were so few and far between now come ever so frequently.
I love you Johnny's Pizza...touch my penis and let's be friends!
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
haha wheee!
So, now i'm high, but instead of watching Halloween, i'm posting a blog.
Why?
...because my father and stepmother are watching a "preview" video of the children's play they are about to videotape tomorrow...the play is called "on the radio", so the name leads me to believe that the theme song for the play would be Donna Summer's "On the Radio."
Terrible.
and now I am on the phone....
....I was on the phone with Sheena for two hours...I am happy...happy like...
...LIKE EROTIC ANGELS FUCKING THE STARS!!!!!!!!!!!
so now watch constantine? who knows.
Don't get me wrong...I do love "On the Radio", as well as Donna Summers for that matter..."I Feel Love" is a classic...it was one of the first songs to effectively using stereo panning on a record...
but anyhow, the problem lies with the children. I hate children's voices more than ANYTHING, so the idea of a large group of 2nd and 3rd grade BITCHES, SCREAMING THE WORDS to a Donna Summer song just REALLY hurts my feelings...I'm sure it's very close to the sound of HELL.
AND SPEAKING OF HELL, i've gotten COMPLETELY off the main topic at hand...I cannot watch HALLOWEEN because my father says he doesn't "watch those kinds of movies in his house" WhATT?
again, terrible.
He'd rather watch "The Hunt for Red October" are you KIDDING ME wtf.
...i'm going to smoke the rest of this doob.
yeah I fuckin' said doob.
i'll be back sometime.
until then.
later.
Why?
...because my father and stepmother are watching a "preview" video of the children's play they are about to videotape tomorrow...the play is called "on the radio", so the name leads me to believe that the theme song for the play would be Donna Summer's "On the Radio."
Terrible.
and now I am on the phone....
....I was on the phone with Sheena for two hours...I am happy...happy like...
...LIKE EROTIC ANGELS FUCKING THE STARS!!!!!!!!!!!
so now watch constantine? who knows.
Don't get me wrong...I do love "On the Radio", as well as Donna Summers for that matter..."I Feel Love" is a classic...it was one of the first songs to effectively using stereo panning on a record...
but anyhow, the problem lies with the children. I hate children's voices more than ANYTHING, so the idea of a large group of 2nd and 3rd grade BITCHES, SCREAMING THE WORDS to a Donna Summer song just REALLY hurts my feelings...I'm sure it's very close to the sound of HELL.
AND SPEAKING OF HELL, i've gotten COMPLETELY off the main topic at hand...I cannot watch HALLOWEEN because my father says he doesn't "watch those kinds of movies in his house" WhATT?
again, terrible.
He'd rather watch "The Hunt for Red October" are you KIDDING ME wtf.
...i'm going to smoke the rest of this doob.
yeah I fuckin' said doob.
i'll be back sometime.
until then.
later.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
last night's dream.
so.
are you excited???
hahaha.
SO myself and some of my friends, as well as other people I didn't know/care about were galavanting around this giant lake...it had many inlets and even sections that were completely seperated by land...
none of us had a boat, so when we found one...we'd take it. However, don't think large Yacht style boats...more like fishing boats or canoes, with 15 people crammed in it, all drunk and giggly.
So at some point in the dream, people start dying (of course...when there's too much fun going on, that means someone is about to die). It's some group of madmen that are trying to kill us, but they have the ability to breath under water (like harry potter), so if you get in the water, they pull you down, and then kill you...I was only slightly scared.
So we are running away, stolen boat after stolen boat, we'd run upon land, run across this heavily wooded section, and back into another pond/lake of some sort, steal a boat, and across the lake again, stop at some inter-lake boat house thing, run in circles around that for a bit, and each time some straggler gets caught and killed (the whole time, the only people dying are the people I don't know.care about, which is wonderful). Imagine guts, but instead of the agro crag, it's woods and lakes...however very obstacle course-esque..I believe I was giggling most of the time I was running...
The last piece of ground we run upon is some sort of village, although it looks like the renaissance festival, with large wooden panel fences, and the huts had beach towels draped EVERYWHERE...it was like driving by the windows of a "wings" (if you're from florida, or have been there, you know what i'm talking about..everyone else can suck it)...So I run through the huts, and pass this JACUZZI TUB full of old people on my left, and immediately in front of me is this carnival-esque wall, withs cages of King Crab (what?), spiders, and some other animal shit...anyhow, the bad guy chasing me had a chainsaw (just my luck), so I hide behind the spider cage (it had a cork wall backing...) and when he runs up to it, I push it over. He drops the chainsaw, and JUMPS from the spiders (as I would, except they were crawling towards him)...and I grab the chainsaw, and as I'm about to kill a bitch, I turn to see that one of the King Crab had grabbed him up into their cage (I don't know how this happened) and he's being STABBED TO DEATH by the crab legs...OH...
So a slight modification on the king crab...imagine a giant spider with king crab legs...ever seen a spider spin a cocoon around their prey? They get all their legs crumpled together, like if you touch all the fingers on one hand together (try it!!). so it was like that, and the legs squeezing around him, spinning him around and STABBING him every touch of a claw. It's hard to explain, but I assure you it was amazing...at the end, blood was pouring out of the cage (hee hee hee).
So I ran through the hut village, SLICIN and DICIN the bad guys, and a few of the people I didn't know/care about just for grins.
then I woke up.
are you excited???
hahaha.
SO myself and some of my friends, as well as other people I didn't know/care about were galavanting around this giant lake...it had many inlets and even sections that were completely seperated by land...
none of us had a boat, so when we found one...we'd take it. However, don't think large Yacht style boats...more like fishing boats or canoes, with 15 people crammed in it, all drunk and giggly.
So at some point in the dream, people start dying (of course...when there's too much fun going on, that means someone is about to die). It's some group of madmen that are trying to kill us, but they have the ability to breath under water (like harry potter), so if you get in the water, they pull you down, and then kill you...I was only slightly scared.
So we are running away, stolen boat after stolen boat, we'd run upon land, run across this heavily wooded section, and back into another pond/lake of some sort, steal a boat, and across the lake again, stop at some inter-lake boat house thing, run in circles around that for a bit, and each time some straggler gets caught and killed (the whole time, the only people dying are the people I don't know.care about, which is wonderful). Imagine guts, but instead of the agro crag, it's woods and lakes...however very obstacle course-esque..I believe I was giggling most of the time I was running...
The last piece of ground we run upon is some sort of village, although it looks like the renaissance festival, with large wooden panel fences, and the huts had beach towels draped EVERYWHERE...it was like driving by the windows of a "wings" (if you're from florida, or have been there, you know what i'm talking about..everyone else can suck it)...So I run through the huts, and pass this JACUZZI TUB full of old people on my left, and immediately in front of me is this carnival-esque wall, withs cages of King Crab (what?), spiders, and some other animal shit...anyhow, the bad guy chasing me had a chainsaw (just my luck), so I hide behind the spider cage (it had a cork wall backing...) and when he runs up to it, I push it over. He drops the chainsaw, and JUMPS from the spiders (as I would, except they were crawling towards him)...and I grab the chainsaw, and as I'm about to kill a bitch, I turn to see that one of the King Crab had grabbed him up into their cage (I don't know how this happened) and he's being STABBED TO DEATH by the crab legs...OH...
So a slight modification on the king crab...imagine a giant spider with king crab legs...ever seen a spider spin a cocoon around their prey? They get all their legs crumpled together, like if you touch all the fingers on one hand together (try it!!). so it was like that, and the legs squeezing around him, spinning him around and STABBING him every touch of a claw. It's hard to explain, but I assure you it was amazing...at the end, blood was pouring out of the cage (hee hee hee).
So I ran through the hut village, SLICIN and DICIN the bad guys, and a few of the people I didn't know/care about just for grins.
then I woke up.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
TITTILATING.
I found this today.
and this.
I also came up with the next song for "erotic angelz"...it's called "INTERGALACTIC TAMPON" and is an ode to Donovan...it's Sheena star number.
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